Singleness by death or divorce is traumatic. It is a major loss – lost dreams, future, hopes and plans. Often, in his or her imagination, the newly single person is seating on the floor in a pile of ashes. Everything is burned up by the pit fire of death or the raging forest fire of divorce, and nothing is left of the once beautiful life and story book future, except ashes. In this scenario, making peace with your current single status, looking yourself in the eye and telling yourself the truth, and letting yourself know that it is okay not to be okay, is a very important step in the healing process.
Speaking the truth to yourself will help you to get up out of the ashes and re-engage life. Such truths as, “I am single and its okay”, “God loves me as much today as He did before my divorce” “God still has a plan and purpose for my life”, I cannot afford to fall apart, my children are depending on me”, “This will not destroy me, I will get through this” “There is life after divorce”. Making peace with yourself as a single person grounds you in reality, helps you to accept your single status and start to rebuild your life and the lives of your children. It helps you to clear out the ashes, see what you have left over and begin again. This is an extremely vulnerable time, when you need to step away, consolidate, reassess, establish a new normal and tune-in to God to find our His plan for this season of your life. This is not a time to make big decisions!
Not making peace with your singleness will set you up for bad and sometimes self-destructive choices. For some people, failure to accept their singleness, coupled with anger, has caused them to seek new relationships too soon, without giving themselves the time to heal properly. They want to “show” their Ex or do not want to be alone, or are afraid that they won’t find someone else. So, they make reckless dating decisions, or compromise their moral convictions. Unfortunately, this behavior can lead to that one divorce becoming a cycle of disillusionment and broken relationships. For others, lack of acceptance coupled with depression, makes them internalize the loss, devalue themselves, and offer themselves at a discount. They think they are “damaged goods”, and nobody will want them, so they latch onto the next person that shows up. This wrong mindset sets them up to be taken advantage of, used and abused. Others are afraid of the prospect of facing the future alone and are financially insecure, so they rebound into dysfunctional relationships that ends up being worse that the one they came out of.
Jesus is the answer to loneliness, depression, financial lack and fear of the future. Your new single status did not take Him by surprise. He has a plan for you and for this season of your life. Trust Him and take His hand. He will lead you through every emotional stage and fill the gaps in your life. He will repair your vandalized foundation and restore you to health and wholeness. Simply stated, your way out is through, through Christ and His word. Jesus is the resurrection and the life. With Him, there is life after death and divorce.
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